Transcript
Lisa [00:00:06]:
Well, 20, 25. Samantha sure made me a. This morning.
Samantha [00:00:11]:
What happened, Lisa?
Lisa [00:00:12]:
Oh, my God. Right? All it did is it just wanted to. It wanted to just hammer me. Hammer me down and put me in my place. And it did that. Right. I. I've been struggling a little bit with what I feel is excess belly fat.
Lisa [00:00:27]:
And, and. And. And I put my pants on. My favorite black dress pants. Knew. Knew that they had maybe tightened up a little bit, you know, shrunk in the wash type of thing. We've all had that happen.
Samantha [00:00:43]:
Yes.
Lisa [00:00:44]:
Sit in the car. You know that feeling of relief that you're not expecting when one's button explodes off their pants. I'm on route to work.
Samantha [00:00:56]:
Oh, that's good.
Lisa [00:00:58]:
And I got no top button. I got no top button. Smith. I got no top button on my pant. No top button.
Samantha [00:01:04]:
Did you lose your top button?
Lisa [00:01:06]:
Gone. It was in the car. Oh, it's in the car. Ask how. How would I ever know where that top button might be?
Samantha [00:01:16]:
I have no clue.
Lisa [00:01:18]:
You find a picture of it in a text message with the heading lost.
Samantha [00:01:29]:
I love your husband's sense of humor.
Lisa [00:01:32]:
Right, right, right. Can't top it. You just can't top it at all. Right. And so definitely it was found. I'm sorry. That's gonna.
Samantha [00:01:47]:
I just like the best.
Lisa [00:01:50]:
Right. It was found, but not by me. Right. So I was hoping to just kind of like, skirt around it. Right. Count on my zipper. That apparently today decided it. Actually, the tightness of my zipper was like, no, not today, actually.
Lisa [00:02:05]:
Button's gone. We're gone, too.
Samantha [00:02:07]:
Oh, God. Everything was failing you today.
Lisa [00:02:09]:
Yeah. You know what I had. I had to MacGyver a button because I'm at work now. Right. You see this little clip?
Samantha [00:02:16]:
You see this little thing, that little mini carabiner clip?
Lisa [00:02:20]:
Right. That, like, I had to. I had to cut a hole into one side of where my button used to be.
Samantha [00:02:27]:
Oh, my God.
Lisa [00:02:28]:
Touch. This was horrible. Horrible all day.
Samantha [00:02:32]:
You've wrecked your pants, Is that what you're saying?
Lisa [00:02:34]:
Yeah, for sure. I wrecked those pants. Right. I. I taught them. I sure taught them.
Samantha [00:02:39]:
Did you so take that pants. What you're saying is that you had a really good Christmas eating, apparently.
Lisa [00:02:46]:
But I didn't feel like I had that good of a Christmas eating. But my pants definitely took a New Year's beating. Right. And of course, what do you do when you're Lisa Gibson and you're at work and first thing, when you see all your work friends and they're like, how are you? What do you.
Samantha [00:03:03]:
Do you tell them?
Lisa [00:03:04]:
You tell them you're an over sharer. Now that you've asked. It took everything I had to not lift my sweater and sh.
Samantha [00:03:12]:
Oh, God. No one needs to see your belly button.
Lisa [00:03:15]:
Like, I didn't do it. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. I refrained a couple times. I was like, I feel you need to see what I've contrapted here. But I didn't do it. I didn't do it. Right.
Lisa [00:03:23]:
Some things are just not work appropriate, Samantha.
Samantha [00:03:26]:
Yes. Some things are inappropriate at work. Thank God you realize that.
Lisa [00:03:29]:
Yeah. Right? Thank God. Thank God. Right? So. Yeah, that was. So that was my morning. Thanks. 20, 25.
Samantha [00:03:37]:
That's. Good morning.
Lisa [00:03:42]:
Lost. Lost.
Samantha [00:03:44]:
Oh, God, that. It's beautiful.
Lisa [00:03:46]:
All I hoped. All I had hoped when I got out of the car at work, don't let that button be anywhere in the front seat. Please just let it have rolled under this. Because you know what? It could easily have rolled under the seat.
Samantha [00:03:59]:
Oh, my God. So he didn't know that you had busted your button?
Lisa [00:04:02]:
I knew I busted it, but I.
Samantha [00:04:03]:
No, but he didn't.
Lisa [00:04:05]:
No, he didn't know. I'm not sharing it secret. Right. Even better.
Samantha [00:04:10]:
Even better. Exactly what had happened to you?
Lisa [00:04:14]:
Totally. Totally. Right? I was totally quiet about it happened. I was like, I knew what had happened, but I was keeping it to myself. And when I got out of the car, all I thought was, please let that button have rolled under the seat.
Samantha [00:04:25]:
And all I would probably be thinking is, please let my pants stay up until I can figure out what to.
Lisa [00:04:30]:
Do so I can figure out how to MacGyver them together with some weird clip.
Samantha [00:04:37]:
Okay, next time, you could probably use a paperclip.
Lisa [00:04:41]:
I don't know how to. I'm not that handy. I need. I need built in. Wait, I need it built in there. Where's a paper clipping to? There's nothing there to clip it to.
Samantha [00:04:50]:
You just do exactly what you did. You make a hole and then you loop it.
Lisa [00:04:55]:
This worked. This worked just as good. It was heavier. Heavy duty. Heavy duty. Right. God. Magically be in my desk drawer.
Samantha [00:05:02]:
Oh, magically. There you go.
Lisa [00:05:04]:
Obviously, for emergencies.
Samantha [00:05:06]:
Oh, my God. Okay, Lisa, we got to get going. We've got an episode to start.
Lisa [00:05:11]:
We certainly do. Hello, friends of the podcast.
Samantha [00:05:14]:
Hello, everybody.
Lisa [00:05:17]:
All I'm saying is that it feels like it's January 74th.
Samantha [00:05:22]:
It is. January is the. Is basically one long Monday is what it is.
Lisa [00:05:27]:
The longest month of the year. I feel like we're 74 days in, I woke up feeling it's like 74 day of January.
Samantha [00:05:36]:
Right?
Lisa [00:05:37]:
Like if I'm Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos, I'm like, good morning. It's Tuesday, January 74th. Right. Totally. What I feel today.
Samantha [00:05:46]:
Oh, my God. Is it Groundhog Day? Maybe. Is that, Is that, what's.
Lisa [00:05:49]:
That's not till February, right? And then, and then comes my, my Pancake Tuesday.
Samantha [00:05:53]:
Oh, there's so many things coming up for you.
Lisa [00:05:55]:
Stuff coming up. Right. I got some holidays. I got some celebrations on the way, right. Some, some feasts and festivals that I don't celebrate, but I participate secretly in.
Samantha [00:06:06]:
You do?
Lisa [00:06:06]:
You do. Go figure.
Samantha [00:06:08]:
I know. Well, you know, we've got a. We got a few things to get to, Lisa, like what's happening with your nighttime routine? Your thoughts on the polyamorous. Polyamorous relationship.
Lisa [00:06:19]:
I can't even say the word.
Samantha [00:06:21]:
I know. And of course we got to talk about the Golden Globes.
Lisa [00:06:24]:
Of course we do. Of course we do. We're going to do all those things, Samantha.
Samantha [00:06:26]:
But first I do all of it.
Lisa [00:06:28]:
First, as everybody knows, right? It's 9:00. And do you know where your Kleenex is at?
Samantha [00:06:32]:
I know because you made me laugh so hard, my eyes. There's dreaming.
Lisa [00:06:38]:
It's so funny. So lost. Jesus. Best sense of humor ever. Driest. Oh, my God.
Samantha [00:06:47]:
So dry. So dry. The best. The best. Had to be. We were. This is years ago. We were driving to a Rough Rider game.
Samantha [00:06:57]:
I was sitting in the back seat and your husband was laying one liners on you, and I was howling in the back and he would, he'd be like looking at me in the mirror going. And I'm like, oh, you little son of a.
Lisa [00:07:10]:
But he does. That's what he does. I live with that. I live with that. Fun.
Samantha [00:07:15]:
Oh, God, he is so funny. He's so funny.
Lisa [00:07:17]:
He totally is. Okay, but listen, I'm shaking my head at something. It's the winter time, right? So I'm wearing socks, right? I'm shaking my head at socks. Do you ever find that the quality of some socks is just horrible compared to the quality of other socks? Yes. Like, do you have one toe. Do you have one toe that wears your sock away more than other toes?
Samantha [00:07:38]:
No, that's just you.
Lisa [00:07:40]:
But yet my toenails are nicely kept. They're, they're, they're, they're, they're not long and nasty. I, I don't, I don't do winter feet. My feet are fine all the time. But I have one foot that always wears away a toe.
Samantha [00:07:54]:
I think it's because your feet move a lot.
Lisa [00:07:57]:
They are. They move, right? They. They do move a lot. Maybe that's exactly why.
Samantha [00:08:02]:
They're movers.
Lisa [00:08:03]:
They're movers. Nothing about Lisa Gibson sits still.
Samantha [00:08:09]:
Nope, not at all.
Lisa [00:08:11]:
That could be even in my boots. They're just moving away.
Samantha [00:08:14]:
Yeah, everything's moving. You're just moving. Everything's moving.
Lisa [00:08:17]:
That's. That's just. That's what I like to do. Right.
Samantha [00:08:20]:
And one toe is especially, you know, good at, like, wearing away the fabric.
Lisa [00:08:25]:
It just seems to wear away the fabric. And then all of a sudden, I got a toe. I got a hole into my toe in my sock.
Samantha [00:08:30]:
I think it happens to everybody. But you do have movable. You have moving toes.
Lisa [00:08:34]:
I have moving toes. And you know what? I just shake my head at socks because I'm like, they need to do better job with better quality.
Samantha [00:08:42]:
So you want iron socks. What do you need?
Lisa [00:08:44]:
Like, I don't know, like, I don't want heavy duty socks or anything. Well, that, you know.
Samantha [00:08:50]:
Are you not asking for that?
Lisa [00:08:51]:
Then they make the type of socks where they're like, you know, because we're getting old, right? So you don't want anything, like, tight on your calves, Right.
Samantha [00:08:57]:
Oh, my God. Diabetic socks.
Lisa [00:08:59]:
Right. So. So you get the ones that are a little bit looser. Right. But on my skinny little legs, it has become like a fall down, rollup ankle sock. And I'm like, what the hell is that?
Samantha [00:09:08]:
Why are you getting those kinds of socks? Your ankle is so skinny. It looks like a goddamn twig.
Lisa [00:09:15]:
It does.
Samantha [00:09:16]:
Jesus Christ.
Lisa [00:09:17]:
It does, right?
Samantha [00:09:18]:
Why would you do that?
Lisa [00:09:20]:
Because I don't. I, too, don't want something just compressing all day, right?
Samantha [00:09:26]:
Yes.
Lisa [00:09:26]:
All right. It's going to cause a weak spot in the twig, and then the twig's gonna snap, and then what good is that? Right?
Samantha [00:09:34]:
You're gonna wear away the twig.
Lisa [00:09:35]:
Right, right. Right. We can't have that. No, I'm shaking my head at socks. I think some socks are just horrible. Okay, Right.
Samantha [00:09:44]:
Okay. Well, I. I like. You feel like January has lasted forever already and it's only the seventh.
Lisa [00:09:52]:
Yeah.
Samantha [00:09:54]:
I'm shaking my head at the first Monday in January. It hit.
Lisa [00:09:57]:
That's right. Because you just went back to work.
Samantha [00:09:59]:
Yeah. It hit like it remembered December. And I'm like, you stupid. You stupid.
Lisa [00:10:07]:
It's like January came in like Miley Cyrus. I came in like a red. Right? Totally. Hey.
Samantha [00:10:15]:
But like, that first Monday, man, I was like, all right, just be nice. Just be nice.
Lisa [00:10:22]:
I think, I think it's funny that we build up all these expectations that, that. Oh, and, and today is the first 365 days of a new sheet. Like, all this nice, right?
Samantha [00:10:34]:
I know.
Lisa [00:10:34]:
Like, like you're. You're driving your own ship, you're the captain of your story, blah, blah, blah. It literally just picks up where it left off, right down, right. The Titanic has hit the iceberg at the end of December. It did not magically just find a pier to go and dock at. It's mid sync now. Right.
Samantha [00:10:56]:
If, if anything, you have figured out to get enough life preservers around you to float.
Lisa [00:11:03]:
Right, right.
Samantha [00:11:05]:
To stay alive.
Lisa [00:11:06]:
Stay alive. Right. So you're treading water. Like, we just talked, right? We put on our adult water wings and kind of muddle through January like a bunch of ducks in the winter or something.
Samantha [00:11:16]:
Yeah. You're kicking that guy off the door and you're definitely hogging it and saving your life.
Lisa [00:11:21]:
Yeah, right, sorry. I'd like to save you all, but. Right, we had a boat and true story, friends of the podcast. You've heard me talk about my mum before, right? She's not with us anymore, but she comes. But her legacy lives on in story. So we had a boat. There's something on the boat that's called trim tabs, right? And back in the day, when you're driving your boat fast, you hit the trim tabs at the same time. Makes your boat even as you go up, right? You know, the 80s, right? Drinky, drinky, drinky, drinky, everybody.
Lisa [00:11:56]:
All the adults having some fun on the boat. Apparently the captain of our ship, uhoh, My dad, he just hit one trim tab. So the boat started to tip. It was never going to tip over because it was big enough. I was sitting at the boat in water and my kid's sister was in the air on the other side, dangling, and it's like, what the fuck? Looked at the back of the boat. My mom has one life jacket on. She's ready to bail. Hey, there's no concern or care about her kids or her family.
Samantha [00:12:30]:
Nope.
Lisa [00:12:31]:
She don't care.
Samantha [00:12:32]:
You don't care.
Lisa [00:12:33]:
And sometimes as I get older, I'm like, God, I am a lot like my mother.
Samantha [00:12:36]:
Yeah, I'm saving myself, bitch.
Lisa [00:12:39]:
I'm looking after number one. I want to think that I'm going to help you, but I know I'm not going to at the end, right?
Samantha [00:12:49]:
Oh, Lord.
Lisa [00:12:50]:
Hence why I didn't do very good in cpr, right? Because at the end of the day, I really didn't want to learn how to help other people.
